Marietta Drew

 When Michael and I got married and talked about how many children we dreamt of having Michael would always answer 3 or 4 and I would say 4 or 5.  We found out the Lord had 5 children in mind for us right after Easter and were nervously excited right away.  Everything went quite smoothly for the first few months and we loved getting to share our happy news with family and friends when we reached the end of the first trimester.  Our children were all looking forward to the new baby and were very observant of my growing tummy from the beginning (making comments like “I can already tell your lap is getting smaller!” or “Your tummy is getting so big but the baby is so small!”).  We had never found out the gender of any of our babies before birth but decided to this time.  When we saw the ultrasound picture and post-it note stating that our fifth baby was a girl we felt excited but a bit overwhelmed.  We were unsure of how Harrison would take the news since he had really been hoping for a brother.  We ended up waiting to tell the children or anyone else until a month had passed because we had also found out there were some possible concerns regarding our baby’s heart and we wanted to find out more about that first.  After one follow-up ultrasound for a better picture and one higher level ultrasound that included an echocardiogram we found that the issue we thought might have been present wasn’t there at all and was just due to a poor angle at the prior ultrasounds.  We were and are immensely thankful for God’s generosity in this and praise him for our baby’s healthy physical heart while also knowing that her spiritual heart needs Jesus.  I will also say I was thankful to have those extra ultrasounds to confirm that our baby was a girl.  When we finally shared with our children that they were going to have a baby sister they were all very excited and Harrison handled it very sweetly – he is such a good big brother to his sisters.  

Our pregnancy continued to progress smoothly (though with much more discomfort than in the past) but little by little we got closer to our due date.  At our 36 week appointment we found out our baby was breech.  This was the third time we have had a breech baby at this point in pregnancy and it felt a little discouraging but we rested in the Lord’s providence.  I did some suggested poses that I had tried with our previous breech babies but wasn’t expecting success as they hadn’t worked for us before, but we prayed the Lord would turn our baby girl around.  At our 37 week appointment, days before we would have a doctor try to turn our baby, we found out the Lord had answered our prayers and turned her around!  We were so happy and we continued to pray that she would remain head down.  

November came to a close and December began and with it came more braxton hicks contractions.  On December 4 I had contractions off and on throughout the day.  Any time a pattern would seem to be developing (10-12 minutes apart) the contractions would taper off for an hour or so.  I didn’t mind this as I knew our baby would come when she was supposed to.  December 4 had also marked the latest any of our babies had come so as the night drew to a close I was officially more pregnant than I’d ever been before.  Before going to bed that night Michael and I decided to finish packing the last minute items and have everything in order just in case things picked up overnight.  We also told my sister to have her phone volume on.  I ended up sleeping really well that night waking once around 3 or 4 with some contractions but then falling asleep again until 6:30 Sunday morning.  I was still having contractions and I talked with Michael about how I didn’t think we should go to church in person that morning (call me crazy, but after having Rosie in our bathtub at home I didn’t want to risk it happening at church!).  I was glad we made the decision to have a morning at home and livestream the service because shortly after 8:00 my water broke.  I texted Shelby and she gathered what she needed and started making the drive up.  It had snowed quite a bit the night before so it took a little longer for her to get there.  While we waited we got everything into the car, ate some breakfast with the kids, and started the livestream service.  They were so excited when we told them we were going to go to the hospital to have our baby!  

We got to the Mother Baby Center right before 10:00 and Michael waited in the lobby while I went back with the nurse (my first experience with a male nurse – he did great!).  We confirmed that my water had in fact broken and found that I was measuring at a 5 and was 50% effaced with baby at a -1 station (I had been at a 1 and 90% effaced at my previous appointment – always exciting to know there was progress!).  They checked us into our room and we turned the Vikings game on at noon while contractions continued to progress without being terribly uncomfortable.  Shortly after 1:00 Michael realized he had forgotten his snacks at home.  We went back and forth and decided he should just go get them.  My contractions were coming every 3 minutes or so but still weren’t all that bad.  We knew from previous experience that this can change quickly but decided to risk it and he headed out with the instruction of “Keep me posted,” to which I replied, “If I’m keeping you posted it’s probably too late!”  He got the snacks from home and then called me on the way back to the hospital to check in and see how I was doing.  When he heard there was no change he decided to swing by Chipotle on the way back.  Thankfully he made it back shortly after 2:00 with plenty of time to spare.  We finished the Vikings game (which was a major disappointment) and around 3:00 they checked me again and found I was almost at a 7 and 90% effaced.  The nurse then left us with strict instructions to let them know right away if I ended up feeling the need to push because things can change so quickly at that point.  I was still feeling pretty good so I kept standing/walking around the room but as the hour progressed the contractions definitely got worse.  By 4:00 contractions were really strong, lasting longer, and coming faster (one maxed out the chart and I decided to take a picture of it for proof – boy was that one a doozy!).  Somewhere in the next 15 minutesI started feeling some pressure and we decided I should get into the bed and we should call the nurse to come in (I say “we” because I have found that when I get to this transition point Michael is almost more aware of the fact that we are nearing the end than I am which I think is partly due to me not wanting to get ahead of myself).  We called the nurse and they said they would come but after they didn’t show up in the next few contractions Michael called them again.  After that second call the nurses and doctor came in.  They confirmed I was at a 10 and got everything set up for delivery and told me to push when I was ready.  It was so strange to just be sitting there waiting for a contraction to come – this had not been my hospital experience before when I had been on pitocin.  The next contraction that came wasn’t very strong or very long and I didn’t feel like I needed to push so we waited some more.  When the next contraction came it was stronger and I decided to go for it and by God’s grace our baby girl was born during that one long contraction (though if I’m honest I didn’t think it was going to get done in that one contraction – Michael told me later he didn’t think so either).  Our little babe cried quickly but had the cord wrapped around her three times!  Thankfully the cord was long so it wasn’t tight, but it was still unsettling to know that she had been so tangled up.  I was able to hold her and we named her Marietta Drew (Mari as in starry).  Drew is short for Andrew which is Michael’s middle name.  She was born at 4:30 and weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and measured 20 inches long – tied with Ruby for our biggest baby!  

We facetimed the kids that night to introduce them to baby Mari and they giggled at her name and were so pleased to see her.  We were able to bring her home the next night and they were quick to gather around the carseat and eager to each have turns holding her – even Aubrey insisted on long turns holding baby Mari!  Our transition to life as a family of seven has gone beautifully and we praise God for that and for our newest little lovey, Mari!  

One final note of sweetness I would like to share is related to her birth date of December 5.  December 5 was the day my dear Grandpa Butch passed away 14 years ago.  I’ve always gone through that anniversary remembering what it felt like to wait for the phone call that would share that my grandpa had died – a day waiting for death to come.  It was so sweet this year to have the anticipation of life coming into the world with our baby girl!  I still miss my grandpa immensely and wish he could meet my husband and our sweet children and I just feel so thankful the Lord ordained that Mari’s birth share the same date and add such sweetness to a day that has held a sting.  The Lord is kind. 

Aubriella Denae

We found out we were pregnant back in September and most of the pregnancy few by with normal visits and regular life circumstances. After our 20 week ultrasound we had a higher level ultrasound to take a closer look at one of our baby's kidneys but no abnormalities were found so we continued as usual. I had my 28 week appointment and passed my glucose test at the end of February and after that my appointments started to be impacted by COVID-19. My clinic decided to cancel all appointments other than the initial appointment and those occurring at 20 and 28 weeks as well as everything from 36 weeks on. It was strange to not go to appointments and I was very antsy to go at 36 weeks. I had been having quite a few braxton hicks contractions leading up to this appointment. After my last labor and delivery experience I wanted to have a conversation about when I should pursue going to the hospital with contractions. I didn't want to go to the hospital unnecessarily during a pandemic but I also didn't want to have another baby in our bathtub. I also wanted to confirm that our baby was head down. Additionally, I wanted to ask some questions about how the pandemic would impact our birthing experience and hospital stay. Unfortunately I didn;t get to see my regular provider because of adjustments that had been made to schedules but I was still able to get my questions answered. I also received a shot I would have gotten at a previous appointment that was canceled, got my Group B Strep test done, and found out I was already progressed to a 1 with baby head down at -1 station -- it was a full appointment! I left my appointment that Wednesday feeling a little more calm and prepared for what things would look like in the coming weeks (haha) when our baby would come. I didn't think too much about being at a 1 because I knew it didn't necessarily mean our baby would be coming very soon, but it was nice to know my body was preparing.

The next day was a normal day at home with the kids as Michael worked downstairs.  We played with toys, read books, and I did some grading for my homeschool co-op classes while the kids played with rainbow rice.  The kids and I talked about the baby countdown -- our baby’s duedate was in 27 days, but if that was Rosie the baby would come in 20 days, if Baby was like Ruby it would be here in 19 days, and if the baby was like Harrison the birth would be in 6 days (every time I got to Harrison’s number I thought about how I was glad the baby would likely not come that early).  As I always did when we did our countdown I reminded the kids that sometimes babies come early, sometimes late, and sometimes on their duedate.  I always told them that God knows the perfect time for our baby to be born just like He knows whether our baby would be a boy or a girl.  He is in charge and knows what is best for our family.  I took some time that day to repack my hospital bag.  I also confirmed with Shelb that we were planning on having her watch our kids when we needed to go to the hospital.  We had talked about it before, but waited to finalize the decision until after getting questions answered at my appointment.  That night we had a nice little family walk after supper where we walked to a hill near our house and did some running around (I of course just walked -- though I did get up the big hill twice while following Rosie to make sure she didn’t fall).  It was a really sweet day and that night we got our kids to bed and then Michael played a video game with his brother while I worked on Rosie’s baby book and talked with my sister-in-law on the phone for a little bit.  I fell asleep before Michael got to bed and slept really well that whole night which hadn’t happened in a while. 

The next morning I woke up at 5:55 to my water breaking. I knew immediately that my water had broken having had this happen with both Harrison and Rubyanna. I went to the bathroom thinking “ok, so we are having this baby today … this is earlier than I expected this to be.”  There were some big blessings with this earlier timing.  First we had done a grocery run recently so we had plenty of food for Shelb to use with the kids when she watched them, MN was still under “Shelter in Place” so Shelb hadn’t gone back to work, and with my water breaking it was very clear that we needed to go to the hospital.  After a couple of minutes of processing I went back our room and told Michael my water had broken. He got up right away and started getting ready. He was a little regretful at having stayed up too late and indulging into many snacks the night before! I called Shelby and let her know and she said she would head up shortly and then I called the Mother Baby Center to let them know we would be coming in within the next hour or two.  While Michael showered I made a list of schedule things for Shelb as well as some meal and activity ideas.  Michael then gathered the rest of the things he needed while I took a quick shower. I was having a few contractions but nothing very strong or consistent.  Our kids slowly started waking up and we were able to talk with them about how we were going to be going to the hospital because our baby was coming today!  We had already talked with them about how they wouldn’t get to visit us in the hospital this time, but that we would be sure to facetime so they could see our baby.  I was so thankful to be able to have a little bit of time with our kids that morning before heading to the hospital -- after a month home with them it was hard to leave and it was nice to not have to really rush off.  They were excited our baby was coming and so thrilled to get to see Shelby after not being together for a month!  After Michael had taken care of a couple of things for work we gave our kids hugs and kisses and headed out the door.  We stopped to grab coffee for Michael and gas for the car and then made our way to the hospital talking on the way about how we didn’t quite feel prepared for how early this baby was coming, how we hoped it didn’t mean an extended hospital stay, and how excited we were to meet our baby soon.  

We got to the hospital around 8:30 and were greeted by someone who screened us before we could check-in.  She asked us questions and took our temperatures (Michael’s temperature was almost too high because he had been drinking his coffee).  She also gave us masks to use and told us to wear them any time someone other than the two of us was in the room.  After that I got my hospital bracelet/tags and was taken back to the triage area to confirm that my water had in fact broken and to complete the check in process.  Michael wasn’t allowed to come back to triage with me which was different than our earlier experiences.  They also checked my progress while I was back there and determined I was at a 4!  This was very exciting to me because it meant we were already almost halfway there.

I was taken bay to a labor and delivery room by 10 and they brought Michael back to join me. I hadn't gotten my results back yet for my Group B Strep test so to be on the safe side they started me on the antibiotics as soon as I had my IV in. We texted some people to let them know Baby was coming and then just hung out in our room.  I had contractions but they weren’t very strong or consistent.  I still hoped things were progressing well on their own like they did with Rosie’s labor.  Michael ordered some food and ate lunch and I was able to have some juice and a popsicle.  Time passed pretty quickly and comfortably and shortly before 2:00 the nurse checked to see if I had progressed at all, but unfortunately I was still at a 4.  This was of course a little disappointing because it’s hard not to progress and it meant we would start pitocin.  I am really not a fan of pitocin contractions, but we wanted to get things moving along.  Michael and I really hoped the pitocin would work like it did with Ruby’s labor where we had her within 4 hours after starting it.  They started me at a level 2 with the plan to increase the amount every hour.  After they started me on the pitocin Michael and I started playing a game of Settlers of Catan on his phone.  My contractions were stronger and coming more regularly (every 5-7 minutes) and when they aligned with my turn in the game it made it hard to focus -- this wasn’t helped by the fact that I was having really bad luck in the game.  I was hoping to work with gravity and went back and forth between standing and sitting on the edge of the bed for a while and then switched to the birthing ball.  The nurse came in around 3:00 to readjust the baby monitor because it was having a hard time tracking the baby and she also increased my pitocin to 4.  The next hour included more strong and consistent contractions coming every 3-5 minutes or so and the end of our Settlers game -- we both lost to one of the computer players (ugh “Louis”).  Around 4:00 the nurse bumped my pitocin up to 6.  As we got closer to 4:30 things were growing in intensity and I was tired of the birthing ball so I decided to try standing again.  I wanted to lay down but I so desperately wanted to use gravity to keep things moving forward so I didn’t pursue that.  Our nurse came back in and I asked when they would check my progress again and she said whenever I wanted.  Looking at the clock I noticed it was close to 4:45 so I suggested that we check again at 5.  When my next contraction came I started to feel some pressure.  After I mentioned this we decided I should get in the bed and be checked once the contraction was done.  That contraction felt like it lasted forever and there was a ton of pressure to the point where when Michael was helping me lean back in the bed I grabbed a really tight handful of the hair on the back of his head (he very graciously removed my hand and held it in his).  Once the contraction seemed to be letting up the nurse went to check me and saw that our baby was crowning.  She told me not to push and hurried from the room to get the doctor and almost immediately I was having another contraction and my body wanted to push.  I am convinced that fighting your body’s urge to push is one of the worst things ever.  I put forth so much effort trying to fight this urge that I ended up screaming (loud enough that I hurt my throat) and immediately the nurses and doctor came running in --it felt like it took forever but in truth they were very fast!  They got everything set up and through my next contraction I was able to push our baby out!  I didn’t feel like my pushing was super efficient but it only took the one contraction so it must have been ok.  Because things had shifted so quickly I still had my mask on when I met our baby girl face to face.  Both Michael and I had been thinking this baby was a boy so we were totally shocked to have another daughter! 

Aubriella Denae was born at 4:52 pm weighing 6lb 1oz and measuring 20 inches long.  Immediately her look reminded us of Harrison and we have come to say that we think she is a mix between Harrison and Rosie. 

It took a little while to get everything situated after Aubriella was born.  I had a bit more bleeding than normal but thankfully it didn’t end up being cause for concern.  As soon as we could we facetimed our kiddos to share the news with them that they had a new sister.  Harrison’s reaction when we told them was “Wow!  I have so many sisters!”  We know he had been hoping for a brother but he responded so sweetly and was so excited.

Since she was born a little premature there were some extra tests they had to conduct that she needed to pass before we could go home.  She passed the blood sugar one within 12 hours and did great with the carseat test.  We were also really pleased that she was very low risk for jaundice.  After completing and passing all her tests we were able to go home just over 24 hours after her birth!  We were so excited to get home and introduce her to her brother and sisters face to face.  They were thrilled to meet her!  Both Harrison and Rubyanna were waiting at the top of the stairs when we got there and they all took turns holding their newest sister.

Obviously having a baby in the midst of a pandemic isn’t really what we would have chosen.  It was really hard to not be able to have our kids (or anyone else) come visit and meet Aubrey in the hospital.  It did make for a pretty peaceful hospital stay but we still wished we could have had at least our kids there.  Even after leaving the hospital it has been hard not to be able to share our new baby in the way we normally would with those we love.  We are exceedingly thankful for technology but really look forward to when we can introduce Aubrey to people face to face rather than through a screen.  We trust God’s timing is perfect and that he is sovereign over all things and while we have been saddened by the situation we have also been really thankful for the precious time our family of six has gotten to spend together adjusting to life with our sweet Aubrey face to face and in our arms.  We praise God for her life and for how smoothly this transition has gone! 

A Baby Shower Devotion

My sister and her husband are having a baby any day now and I could not be more excited for this little one to arrive! A couple months back I had the pleasure of throwing Charley and baby shower with my mom and Shelb and I got to give a devotion that morning. In honor of my new niece or nephew’s approaching arrival I wanted to share that devotion.

Charley, we are all here today to celebrate you and the sweet baby growing within you. We celebrate and eagerly anticipate the arrival of this dear one so deeply loved already. As you well know, you have already embarked on your journey as a mother. The way you think about day to day life and the future has changed, the way your home looks has changed, your body has changed as it has grown to accommodate the growing life within you. You are aware of the sweet kicks and hiccups from your little one and I’m sure you think often about getting to meet baby face to face. 

Isn’t it remarkable that you were a mother before you even knew it? But God knew! He knows your baby perfectly just as he knows you perfectly! 

Have you ever thought about how God didn't have to give us mothers? But he did and he has given mothers an important role. Even now I’m sure you feel it...it’s emotional! The joy, excitement, and delight, the fear, worry, and sacrifice...there is a weight to motherhood. It is a sweet weight, but a weight nonetheless. Your relationship with your baby will be completely unlike any relationship you have ever had before. For a long time no one will know your babe quite like you do, your babe won’t need anyone quite like he or she needs you. There will likely be times when you feel like your heart could burst with love for your child. The love any of us feel towards anyone is a miracle from the Lord but the love of a parent to a child is especially miraculous to me. I remember when I had Harrison I was amazed by this love and was struck by how it is a shadow of God’s love for us. I distinctly remember holding Harrison in those early days after he was born just beaming with love for my son and thinking “this little boy has done nothing to earn my love and yet I love him immensely and I would do anything for him.” And I thought how that is like God’s love for us...but of course realized that this shadow fell far short of the reality. In those early days I thought mostly of it falling short in the baby side of the illustration. I thought of how to God even our good deeds are as filthy rags apart from Christ, how we are like a baby completely covered from head to toe in a blowout and God doesn’t hold us at arms length but draws us to himself and makes us clean. Praise Jesus for his cleansing work on the cross! 

But there is also the mother’s side of this shadow that falls short from the reality, so painfully short because unlike God we are not perfect. We grow tired and weary, we don’t know our children perfectly, we choose selfishness. You love this precious baby an incredible amount and yet you will still fall short time and time again and it will be hard, likely hard in a way you haven’t experienced before. 

And so Charley if you remember nothing else, remember the gospel. When you feel tempted to despair in your failures remember Ephesians 2 where it says “But God being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved” or recall Romans 8 which begins “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” and then goes on to speak of the great love of God for his children. Take courage in being a new creation in Christ freed from sin and death.  When worry and fear come don’t hold onto them and spiral but instead “cast your anxieties on the Lord because he cares for you” find your strength and rest in him alone.  

We can only do this by setting our minds on Christ. Continue to be in word! Even if being in the word is just choosing a couple of verses to be meditating on. Have songs of truth playing in your home reminding you of God’s great love. Be in prayer. Pray for your parenting and pray for your child. Be in community with other believers who will speak the gospel to you. 

So Charley, as you prepare in these last weeks to meet your baby rest in the gospel. As you face sleepless nights and countless diapers rest in the gospel. As your baby smiles and coos at you rest in the gospel. As you meet successes and failures as a mother rest in the gospel. In all you do rest in Jesus. 

Roselynn Dawne

It seems I only write on my blog if I'm writing out one of my children's birth stories.  As I've stated before, I like to write these out and have them available for others to read because pregnancy and childbirth are a miracle and gift worth celebrating!  I also like to write them out so that I can look back on them later and remember little details that fade with time.  None of my children's births have been "by the books".  Each has had at least one unexpected component to it, and our dear Roselynn's birth was probably the most surprising experience so far.

A little background from the pregnancy...

We were surprised when we found out we were pregnant this third time and those feelings of surprise quickly turned to those of love, excitement, and thankfulness for the new babe that was coming.  The first trimester was arguably my most challenging of any pregnancy just because there were a few different times we were concerned that we were losing this baby.  Before my first official appointment I think I had been in 4 or 5 times to see if our baby was ok.  God sustained the life of this baby and we were thankful to move into the second trimester and share about this baby's life with friends and family.  Our pregnancy continued pretty normally other than two things.  At our 20 week ultrasound we found that our baby's umbilical cord was attached to the edge of the placenta rather than the middle which could end up inhibiting Baby's growth.  We had a growth ultrasound set up to monitor this at 32 weeks where we found Baby to be in the 43rd percentile for size and again at 36 weeks where we found Baby's growth had dropped to the 18th percentile and that Baby was still breech.  After finding out these two things I was scheduled for weekly ultrasounds and non-stress tests for monitoring the baby as well as my regular appointments and we set up an appointment to have an external version done to try to turn this baby into the head down position.  If you read or heard Harrison's birth story you'll remember he also was breech and when we tried the version with him it was unsuccessful and my water broke leading him to be born by a C-section that day.  The next week for us before our Version for this baby was filled with getting everything done possible to be ready just in case the baby came that day.  We were so happy and relieved when the doctor was able to successfully turn our babe and when we were allowed to go home after monitoring Baby for a long time.  We are still praising God for his kindness in that!

Now onto the birth story...

In the weeks that followed I began to track how far apart contractions were and had times where they would be consistent for a decent chunk of time and then would taper off.  I always felt relieved and a little disappointed when this happened because while I was excited to meet our baby, I was also happy to wait and let this sweet one keep growing in me.  I knew that God would bring our baby at just the right time.  There were also several things I wanted to get through before our baby came (I didn't particularly want a Halloween baby, we had friends coming up to visit for a weekend and I hoped Baby would stay put until after the left, and I really wanted to be able to teach at my homeschool co-op on November 5.)

I woke up with contractions around 4:30 the morning of November 5 and found them to be consistently around 10-12 minutes apart.  As this pattern continued I started to think this could be the real deal!  As I got ready that morning I gathered the last few things I needed for my hospital bag so I would be ready to go if Baby came that day.  I was still hoping I could teach, but was so excited to see the consistency continue.  Four hours later when there was a 30 minute break in the pattern I was really bummed--relieved that it looked like I would still be able to teach, but so disappointed to see my longest pattern of consistency taper off.  I continued to track contractions throughout the morning and found no long consistent pattern again (12 minutes, 15 minutes, 8 minutes, 9 minutes, 6 minutes, etc.) so with my wonky and relatively mild contractions I loaded Harrison and Rubyanna into the car and we went to teach.  I had two classes that were each an hour long at 11:30 and 1:30 and I continued to track my somewhat irregular contractions while I taught (23, 11, 11, 14, 13, 15, 11, 8, 11, 6, 4).  For the most part my contractions were light enough that other than marking them in my app I was able to teach with no interruption.  At the very end of my second class I had my first contraction that took my breath away a little bit and was harder to talk through (which of course happened when I was explaining something to a student).

As my class ended at 2:30 and I started packing up my materials I decided to text Michael to see if he would mind coming home a little earlier to help get kids down for naps since my contractions were getting a little more uncomfortable.  I had my 39 week appointment scheduled for 4:20 so he was already planning to be home in time for me to go to that but he said was able and happy to come home a little earlier.  As I picked up the kids from the nursery and got them all ready to go my contractions continued to be uncomfortable but inconsistent.  I was very interested to see what my provider would have to say about them at my appointment.  Finally, after loading the kids into the car we started driving home around 3:00.  During the drive my contractions were 5-7 minutes apart and some were uncomfortable enough that I thought I maybe shouldn't drive myself to my appointment that afternoon if they continued to feel this way so when I got home before Michael around 3:20 I called him to talk to him about coming with to the appointment (or the hospital depending on how things went in the next 40 minutes) and calling either Claire or Shelby (whoever was closer)  to come watch our kids.  He called Claire to see where she was at and if she could come over and she said she would be happy to.  Michael was still about ten minutes from home and I decided to wait in the van for him to get there since Harrison had fallen asleep on the drive and between the contractions and him being in the way back I didn't want to try to get him out and carry him in on my own.  While I waited I continued to track and breath through contractions that after 3:15 where there was a 7 minute break had started to come every 4-5 minutes. 

Michael got home around 3:40.  We got the kids into the house and he began to gather the last things he needed for his hospital bag (he also trimmed his beard) while I used the restroom and then got Ruby laid down for a nap and spoke briefly with my mom on the phone (She had called to check in since she knew I had been having contractions earlier that day.  I told her we were trying to decide whether going to my appointment or the hospital was going to be the right choice since my contractions were getting closer together at 3-5 minutes apart but in the last hour I had still had contractions that were 7 and 9 minutes apart.)  Claire got to our house with their four kids around 3:50 or so and I asked the kids to go right down to the basement since Harrison and Rubyanna were napping.  Claire and I talked in the kitchen about what they could do for supper if we didn't come back home and I showed her my contraction log and asked whether she would go to the hospital or the appointment since my average contraction time was now getting to about 5 minutes apart.  I had a couple of contractions while we spoke but I talked right through them and she almost didn't notice I was having them. 

Before we headed out I wanted to use the restroom one more time and as I walked down the hall I thought maybe we would just call the hospital on the drive to see if they thought we should come in.  I passed Michael in the hall and told him I would be ready after using the bathroom and he said he was just gathering the last things to put in the car. 

I started having a contraction when I got into the bathroom at 4:03 and as soon as I sat down on the toilet everything about the laidback, mostly comfortable situation changed.  In hindsight I think my water broke then, but in the moment all I knew was that there was an unbelievable amount of pressure.  Immediately I started mentally freaking out because I remembered this kind of pressure from when Ruby was born.  Michael knocked on the door to see how I was doing and I replied "not good.  We need to go now."  He said he was going to run downstairs to grab a few more things to which I said, "No.  Don't grab anything else, we need to leave."  He went to throw our bags in the car having noticed the change in my tone but not realizing how much the laboring situation had changed.  I tried to stand up in hopes that I would be able to walk to the car but had to sit back down and immediately felt the urge to push.  This was alarming to me since I didn't have any idea how progressed I was and because it was so contrary to what I had been feeling just five minutes before.  I tried not to push, but it was impossible and just like that I felt our baby crowing and shouted Michael's name.  He heard me in the garage and came barreling up the stairs (almost taking out Claire in the process) and tried to get into the bathroom, but the door was locked (because if I ever get to close the door to go to the bathroom I'm going to lock the door to ensure a few moments of privacy).  Now our bathroom door is just a pop lock and we had a "key" above the door, but Michael was so frantic he couldn't get the door unlocked and he was shouting that I needed to unlock the door...I however had a baby crowning and couldn't manage to reach over at the moment to turn the handle.  It felt like forever and Michael was all set to try to break the door to get into the bathroom, but God kindly allowed my contraction to let up just enough so I could reach over to open the door before Michael attempted this. 

He assessed the situation as soon as he got in the bathroom and saw Baby's head.  I asked him what he saw because I needed him to tell me it was the head--knowing this calmed me down in a lot of ways because once you know for sure your baby is crowning you know you are just going to have to buckle down and push that baby out.  Michael affirming it was the head gave me the focus I needed.  After Michael had assessed the situation he had his phone start calling 911 but never got it on speaker phone (at 4:08) and he told me I needed to get into the tub.  When I told him I couldn't move he lifted me in and told me I needed to push.  I replied that I was supposed to wait for a contraction.  Claire was in the hallway and asked if she could just call 911 which Michael said yes to while he cleared away excess towels, put a bath mat behind my head, and gathered clean towels and washcloths to be ready.  I told him another contraction was starting and he coached me through pushing our newest baby out in that one contraction.  He caught our baby, announced that she was a girl, checked her over, wiped her mouth and nose, and she had her beautiful first cry.  Once she looked good he handed her to me and I snuggled her while he covered her with a towel.  We took our first picture of our new daughter at 4:13. 

Shortly after she was born the firemen came, followed by a police officer, and finally the EMTs.  We answered some questions and walked out to the ambulance to go to the hospital (I walked out barefoot using a towel as a diaper of sorts...needless to say I hope there weren't many neighbors looking out their windows).  We named our sweet baby girl Roselynn Dawne (Lynn for my sister Charlsea Lynn and Dawne for both my mom Stacy Dawne and sister Shelby Dawne) and she and I took our first ever ambulance ride.  Once we got to the hospital they took us up to our room and did all the things you normally do after having a baby. 

We have been and continue to be exceedingly thankful for how smoothly everything went.  God was so gracious and kind in so many ways:

• I had been in the car driving home with our kids within an hour of Roselynn's birth
• We were minutes away from being in the car on our way to the hospital/appointment
• Michael was home (and eventually able to get into the bathroom)
• Claire was at our house to watch our kids
• Harrison slept through the entire thing (he sleeps HARD--his room is right next door to the bathroom). 
• Harrison sleeping meant that all of Claire's kids were downstairs while Roselynn was born (granted they heard what was going on, but they weren't upstairs). 
• Our baby had been breech two weeks before, but God allowed the doctor to turn her and she remained in the head down position! 
• The cord wasn't an issue in delivery and there were no other delivery complications.  

The biggest con to delivering Roselynn at home was that I had tested positive for GBS which meant I was supposed to be on antibiotics for a few hours before delivery which obviously didn't happen.  This meant Roselynn had to have her vitals checked more frequently and she had to stay in the hospital until she was 48 hours old.  Those 48 hours went by nicely with several visits from Harrison and Ruby as well as other family members and a couple of friends.  We were delighted to bring Roselynn (back) home on Wednesday evening.  

Again, we are so thankful and praise God for our little Roselynn (who weird 6 lbs 5 oz, and measured 20 inches long) and for her smooth, though very unexpected, delivery.    

Rubyanna Diane

Writing out my children's birth stories is something that I have wanted to be intentional about doing  because it will help me to remember the little details in the future when time has passed and memories have faded.  I also want to write out their birth stories because a child coming into the world is always a miracle and a gift and I think it is something to be celebrated.

When we found out we were pregnant with our second child we were elated!  I remember feeling so incredibly happy and thankful.  I was overwhelmed by what a gift it was to be able to carry another baby.  My first trimester was relatively similar to what it had been with Harrison.  I felt I was a little more nauseous this time around, but never actually had to throw up.  Harrison and I had a lot of slow mornings and spent a lot of time snuggling on the couch together.  I was also a bit more emotional throughout the entire pregnancy.  Right before Christmas we got to have an ultrasound to see our baby and it was so wonderful to get to see the heartbeat!  We were so excited to get to tell our family and friends about this new baby.  We told our parents and siblings at our Christmas gatherings and then slowly started sharing with more friends and family as the first trimester came to a close.  The second and third trimesters flew by.  We bought a house in April and moved in when I was 34 weeks pregnant in June.  The next weeks were a blur of unpacking, organizing, and checking things off of the house and baby to-do lists.  

After having a C-section with Harrison, I was absolutely thrilled when I found out this baby was in the head down position at 36 weeks.  This meant that I would be able to pursue a VBAC which was something I really wanted.  Getting to experience a real labor was important to me and I was thankful that it looked like I would get the chance to do that!  

My parents decided to come up to visit the weekend before my due date.  They arrived Friday night with frozen lemonades and we talked about what we could do the next day for fun.  I went to bed that night expecting to get a good night of sleep because I hadn't noticed any real pattern to contractions I was feeling.  Some of the days earlier in the week I had contractions that would be somewhat regular for a little while and then would taper off.  I remember waking up around 3:30 or so to use the bathroom and had contractions off and on for the rest of the night.  Harrison came into our room around 7:30 and had soaked through his diaper so I got out of bed to get him cleaned up.  As soon as I stood up my water broke.  My water breaking was the only experience of labor that I had with Harrison so it was a familiar feeling, but I wasn't convinced enough to call the hospital until about 8:00.  They said I should come in and see if it was in fact my water that had broken so I woke up Michael and filled my parents in on what was happening.  I was also tracking my contractions but just as it had been the previous days, any pattern that I saw eventually tapered off.  It took us a long time to leave our house.  Michael apparently didn't realize we were told to go in right away so he was taking his time wanting his hair cut, trimming up his beard, and leisurely getting ready for the day.  Meanwhile I was finishing packing hospital bags and making sure my parents had everything they would need for Harrison.  Once Michael was ready, I jumped in the shower fast and he finished packing his things.  We finally got to the Mother Baby Center at 10:00 and got checked in.  Our nurse Lori took us to an exam room where I changed into my hospital gown and got hooked up to monitor our baby and my contractions.  Then she ran the test to see if my water had broken and checked to see how progressed I was.  It was determined that my water had broken and I was 60% effaced and 1 1/2 cm dilated.  We also spoke to Lori about things that were important to us with our birth plan like Michael announcing Baby's gender and getting to cut the cord, skin to skin after birth, and pursuing a natural labor without pain medications if possible.  We were open minded about the potential of needing pain medications since I  didn't know what to expect, but we wanted to avoid them if we could.

At this point the doctor who was on call (Doctor Webster) came in to talk with us about our VBAC plan and to answer any questions we had.  My water breaking before any real labor contractions had started made it more likely that my labor would end in a repeat c-section because if my body didn't kick into gear and start contracting there wasn't a lot we could do to help push my body along.  We all agreed that if at any point the baby was in distress we wanted to have the c-section because a safe and healthy baby was our top priority.  She didn't give us any kind of time limit for how long she would let me labor for, but said we would just be watching to see how Baby was handling labor and how my body was progressing.  It was decided that they would give me four hours to see if my contractions picked up and then we would talk about whether we should start a low dosage of Pitocin.  Michael and I were happy with this plan.

I had tested positive for Group B Strep at my 36 week appointment so the next step was getting me hooked up for an antibiotic for that and then we were moved to our labor and delivery room around noon.  After that Michael ran out to get some food for himself and contacted some family and friends to fill them in on what was happening.  I ate some peanut butter toast and drank some water because I had forgotten to do that at home with all the hustle and bustle to get ready to go.  They didn't want me eating anything more substantial just in case I had to have a c-section later.  I also contacted a few people, did some Bible reading, and Lori had me try walking around the halls to see if Baby could be monitored well out there, but it was determined it would be best to do labor in our room where we could best see how our baby was doing.  I did have relatively consistent contractions during this time and they were a little bit stronger than some of the earlier contractions I had been having, but they in no way made me need to stop and concentrate on working through them.

At 2:00 Lori checked me again and said I was now 80% effaced and at a "good two".  She also said that it felt like there was still some of my bag of waters that had not broken that was under the baby's head and that maybe it had broken up high.  She went to ask the doctor if she would prefer starting the low dosage of Pitocin or if she would like the rest of the bag of waters broken.  Doctor Webster liked the Pitocin option best since I was only at a 2.  She had explained to us that morning that she would be willing to only go up to a level 5 for me with Pitocin because she didn't want to cause extra stress to my scarred uterus and it was determined that we would start at a level 2.  The hope was that the Pitocin would coax my body to start contracting with more strength and regularity with it and that maybe at some point we wouldn't actually need the assistance the the extra Pitocin anymore.  So at 2:00 I was at 2 cm dilated and began a level 2 of Pitocin after that (easy to remember with all those 2's together--haha!).

We updated people about the Pitocin and we settled in to see what the next few hours would hold.  My contractions started to pick up in strength and frequency pretty shortly after we started the Pitocin and by around 4:00 I stopped replying to any messages that I was receiving from others because my contractions were taking more focus from me to relax and work through.  We had tried a few different laboring positions before and after the Pitocin started because it seems that Baby was posterior (head facing the front of my body) and we wanted to encourage baby to turn around into the anterior position (head facing the back of my body).  We tried laying on both sides for an equal amount of time, standing leaning over the bed, and spent a little bit of time on the birthing ball.  Baby's heart rate monitoring showed us that she did not like when I was doing any bending over and was happiest when I was laying on my left side so I was spending this time laying on my left side.  I didn't really mind this position because it made it relatively easy to relax during contractions, but I was a little disappointed because I knew that I didn't have gravity working for me while I was laying down and that made it seem like it was going to make labor take that much longer.  We also started playing Jaipur around 4:00 to pass the time.  My contractions seemed to be anywhere from 2-4 minutes apart at this point and so we would play a turn or two and then my contraction would start and Michael would have to run around to my side of the bed to apply counter pressure to my back.  This obviously made game play a little slow and I was starting to feel more fatigue in between contractions so it was more difficult to concentrate.  The contractions were definitely more serious work than they had been before and while I felt like I was handling them pretty well it was a bit daunting to consider how much longer we thought we would be in labor for.  Neither of us expected that we would have the baby until Sunday at some point so it seemed we had a lot of time and work ahead of us yet.

Lori continued to check in from time to time and told me how pleased she and Doctor Webster were with my contractions and around 5:00 she asked if I wanted to try standing up again.  I was really excited about this because I was really starting to get uncomfortable and thought the change of position would maybe help me to better deal with my contractions.  I also thought that a new position could help to move things along more just in case we weren't progressing much in the side lying position.  Lori let us know that Doctor Webster wanted to check me again at 6:00 to see how I was progressing and that sounded good to us.  With the strength of the contractions and how often they were coming I was feeling desperate to know that I was progressing.  At the same time I was trying not to get my hopes up for too much progress.  I was beginning to wonder how sustainable this no epidural thing was going to be if I wasn't dilated very far because the contractions had been getting pretty intense.  I also asked Lori if it would be all right to have a hard candy to suck on just to have a different taste in my mouth.  She said that would be fine or we could do juice or a Popsicle.  I tried a Jolly Rancher and that was no good so then we moved on to the Popsicle and I have never appreciated a cherry Popsicle so much!  Unfortunately I could only have it in between my contractions and they were coming so regularly at this point that I didn't get to enjoy it for very long.  Sometime between 5:15 and 5:30 I started feeling a lot of pressure during my contractions so I had Michael call Lori right away to tell her about that.  She stayed in the room with us at that point and wanted me to tell her if I kept feeling pressure because then she would do an exam before 6:00 to see where we were at.  Michael sent a few texts to family around 5:30 telling them that things seemed to be speeding up and at this point things started to feel like a blur to me.  The contractions were coming in really strong waves and the pressure continued to the point where I was fighting the urge to push (which was a bit overwhelming when I didn't know how far dilated I was).  By 5:45 Lori had me get back into the bed to check where I was and we found out I was at a 9 1/2!  I could hardly believe it!  I mean, don't get me wrong, the contractions felt like I should be that far along, but the timeline of it all was so fast!  Finding out we were so close to the end gave Michael added enthusiasm in his coaching and supporting me during my contractions.  He had been doing a great job before, but he really stepped up as I was beginning to feel like I didn't know if I could get the rest of the way there.  At some point my water broke the rest of the way which definitely added to the pressure I was feeling during contractions.

By 6:00 I was at a 10 and Doctor Webster was in there and we were ready to push.  I was both excited and nervous to push because I knew that this was the final step before we got to meet Baby, but facing more contractions seemed very overwhelming let alone the idea of having to actually push out a baby.  With the first contraction of pushing Baby was already crowning which was obviously exciting to hear.  We had two more contractions worth of pushing where Baby got closer.  My fourth contraction of pushing brought out Baby's head followed by the rest of her body at 6:09.  Michael was so excited when he announced that it was a baby girl and I could not believe it was done and that I had given birth to my daughter.

She was immediately put on my chest and I just loved her.  There is something so surreal about meeting someone face to face who you have had growing within you for nine months.  She was so sweet and precious and little and perfect and I was so so happy.

While in our labor and delivery room I got taken care of, we tried nursing Baby (she did great!), and we got her measurements (6 lbs 10 oz and 19 1/2 inches long).  Michael and I also made our final decision on her name, Rubyanna Diane (pronounced Ruby-ON-a).  We had had a little girl in nursery a few years back with the name Rubyanna and both thought it was such a pretty name and it gave us a chance to pay tribute to Michael's grandma whose name was Ruby.  Diane is most obviously after my grandma Diane, but my grandma Karen and two of my aunts have Diane as their middle name as well as myself so it has many roots on my side of the family.

Harrison was able to come to the hospital to meet his new baby sister that night and it was a delight to see him meet her.  He was so amazed by how sweet and little she was and it has been wonderful to watch them bond since their first meeting.  Harrison often asks to hold Rubyanna and says how much he loves her.  He tells her it is ok when she is crying and sings "Jesus Loves Me" to try to comfort her.  He always has to know where she is and is such a good helper to me as her big brother.

We are all doing well adjusting to life as a family of four and continually praise God for Rubyanna.

MOMS Nugget

I had the pleasure of getting to share a five minute testimony of what God has been teaching me this year at MOMS this week.  MOMS stands for Making Our Mothering Significant and it is one of the ministries for women at our church.  This is what I shared on Tuesday: 

"My initial thought when I considered speaking at this MOMS meeting was no.  I thought no for a couple of reasons.  One reason is because I’m a fairly new mother.  My son was born almost 14 months ago which made me wonder what I could possibly share that would bless you more seasoned mothers.  The other reason I had thought no was because when I reflected over the past year, I couldn’t think of anything big that happened.  I didn’t have a consistent trial or anything really dramatic happening that caused a lot of growth.  However, when I thought more about what this year has been like I realized it has been a huge year. Becoming a mom has been one of the most life changing things I have ever experienced. My son’s year was full of firsts for him and consequently full of firsts for our little family.  My day-to-day life also changed a lot when I decided to stay home with Harrison.  Instead of teaching and I spent my days taking care of our baby (and trying to stay on top of things like cooking and cleaning which has proven to be trickier than I anticipated).  Never has serving another person come so easily and yet still been so challenging and confusing at times.  

As Harrison’s mom, I was (well am) responsible for taking care of him (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) and that is really quite daunting honestly.  You don’t want to screw up your kid.  And this is where God has met me countless times throughout this year.  He has met me in conviction of prideful attitude of thinking I’m doing all the right things and my kid is the best kid ever.  He has met me in conviction of frustration I’ve had after unwanted comments and suggestions from others.  He has met me in my disappointment as I have failed in many goals throughout the year.  He has met me in my loneliness.  He has met me in my concern that I’m not doing it right or as good as other moms when I get caught up in comparison.  He has met me in the legitimate fear that I cannot save Harrison and make him love Jesus.  He has met me in these places and so many more including the countless happy moments.  

In these things I have been so thankful to be loved by a God who is faithful.  To be loved and to be known.  He knows me in a way no one else can and He loves me still.  He sees me in my hurts and struggles and because of Jesus He doesn’t look away, but instead draws me to himself.  It is so sweet and glorious and fills me with amazement and wonder at how he continually provides me with grace each and every day.  And he does that for all of his children!  What a great God we have.  I have been doing a Bible Study by Beth Moore on the patriarchs and have been struck by God’s faithfulness to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He kept his promises to them even when they strayed and he does the same for us.  He met them in their fear and doubt and loneliness and confusion and the happy times too and he always provided what they needed.  He was committed to them and he is committed to us.  

A verse that has blessed me this year is Psalm 26:3 “For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness.” He provides us with what we need for each moment. He does not give us struggles and hurts to see how strong we are, but to show us how strong and steadfast he is.  Likewise he does not give us happy times to show how great we are, but how great he is.  He has promised to keep us always.  I can do nothing apart from God’s grace and I have been learning more of what it is to walk in his grace especially in this job he has given me of being Harrison’s mother."  

13 Months of Mommy-ing

Harrison is 13 months old today!  I decided I wanted to see how he has changed in the last year and here is what I found from a year ago today:

Morning snuggles

Getting a one month picture in

Daddy's home

And here are a couple of pictures I have from our time together today:

Reading some books

Enjoying the beautiful weather with a walk and some play time

What a fun 13 months it has been!  I love seeing how much he has grown and changed.  Some of my favorite developments from this last month are:

• Harrison has been loving bringing me books to read him (again and again and again).  As a former teacher I find this to be extra delightful!  His two favorites right now seem to be a touch and feel animal book that includes a duckling, puppy, bunny, tiger, and kitty and Moo, Baa, La La La!  
• We have been practicing pointing to different body parts.  So far he is pretty consistent with his nose and can sometimes get his tongue, hair, ears, eyes, and tummy.  
• He is getting more confident with his standing alone.  The other night we practiced while dancing to some music.  Michael got some video of it which we of course think is quite funny.  
• He loves going on walks!  Which gives me yet another reason to praise God for this wonderful weather we are experiencing! 
• He is learning more words!  His most recent are 'boo' (sounds more like buh), 'uh oh', and 'papa'.  He has also gotten very good at signing 'more' at meal times!  
• A few other things Harrison loves: seeing other people (especially kids), animals (especially dogs), eating (he will eat basically anything--today we enjoyed some dill pickles with our lunch), running around with his car or walker, practicing building with blocks, and playing peek-a-boo with our swinging doors
• Some things Harrison is not wild about: getting dropped off at nursery (though he warms up and stops crying shortly after we leave), falling down (but who loves that), his block 'tower' falling down, and not getting what he wants

I loved the little baby boy days, but I sure am loving these new toddler boy days as well.  One thing I find that I am reminding myself of often is that not all babies are the same.  They are not all the same in their personalities, eating, sleeping, development, etc.  Remembering that God has designed each child perfectly has helped me to not be terribly antsy for Harrison to walk.  Of course, I do want him to walk and sometimes I wish he would try, but he is growing in his confidence little by little and I'm sure before too long he will walk and I will miss some of ease of these less mobile days.